The REAL Harry Potter
by Lynx1
Summary: Spoof of Eminem's "The REAL Slim Shady." Need I say more?


The REAL Harry Potter  
  
A/N: This is from when I had "The REAL Slim Shady" stuck in my head and my friend was sitting there reading her Harry Potter book. I made up pieces of a song in class, forgot about it, dug it up later and finished it. Yeah. I realize some people are out of character, but this is a spoof, so who cares?! Anyway, can you imagine Hermione and the Minister of Magic rapping???  
  
  
DUMBLEDORE: May I have your attention please?  
May I have your attention please?  
Will the real Harry Potter please stand up?  
I repeat, will the real Harry Potter please stand up?  
.....We're gonna have a problem here.....  
  
verse one  
HARRY:You all act like you've never seen a boy wizard before  
Jaws drop on the floor like You-Know-Who just burst in the door  
And started whoopin our arses worse than before,  
More spells than before, flippin' over furniture  
DUMBLEDORE:It's the return of the-  
FUDGE:Oh wait, no way, you're kidding,   
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?  
....And Diggory says.....  
DUMBLEDORE: Nothin, you idiot! Cedric's dead! Voldemort killed him!  
MALFOY:They just love Harry Potter!! Friggin friggin friggin Harry Potter,  
I'm sick of him, look at him,  
Walkin around, with a Firebolt, too, scar on his head, too-  
GINNY: Yeah, but he's so cute, though!  
HARRY: Yeah, I prob'ly got a coupla screws up in my head loose  
But no worse than what's goin on in Slytherin's common room  
Sometimes I wanna take my wand and let loose,  
But can't, cuz I can't use magic without an excuse!  
COLIN C. :I want your autograph! I want your autograph!   
And if I'm lucky, you'll sign it on my hat!  
HARRY:And that's the kind of thing I get everytime I cross his path  
RON:He'd better stop it soon, or he's gonna suffer Potter's wrath!  
MALFOY:Of course, he's gonna give him a signed photo!  
To get a bit more fame, what else do you think Potter would do?!  
HARRY: We ain't nothin but wizards!  
RON: Well, some of us are special, cuz he defeated a Dark Lord as a baby, y'know  
But if he could kill Diggory and Harry's parents  
Then what's the reason he couldn't kill little baby Harry?  
HERMIONE:But if you feel like I feel, he gave us all a chance  
Voldemort ain't comin back, sing the chorus, do the dance!  
  
*CHORUS*  
HARRY: I'm Harry Potter, yes, I'm the real Potter  
All you other Harry Potters are just imitating  
So won't the real Harry Potter   
Please stand up, please stand up, please stand up  
(repeat)  
  
verse 2  
MALFOY: Some people don't need big scars to be famous  
HARRY:Well, I do! So, AVADA KEDAVRA!! Heh, heh.....oops.  
You think my classes really concern me?  
Potions master can't even stomach me, let alone stand me!  
SNAPE:But, kid, what if I did? Wouldn't that be weird?  
HARRY:Why, so you could just lie to get me down here,  
So you can sit me here, in with my worst fear?  
Hey Ron, c'mere, we'd better switch our chairs  
So we can sit in this dungeon room, this place is the worst  
We're here to argue over who broke into the office first  
RON:Here we go, tell some stories, hope you'll believe,  
It's a lie, but there's no Veritaserum, heehee  
HARRY:Snape went in, told Dumbledore this stuff about me,  
Like the time we flew the car and crashed into a tree! Aggh!  
SNAPE: I'm sick of you, little Harry Potter, all you do is annoy me!  
So I have been hoping I can expel you!  
HARRY: And there could never be someone like me,  
Talk snake like me, who dived into the lake like me  
Who dress like me, walk, talk, and act like me  
There just might be a next best thing, but not quite me  
  
*CHORUS*  
  
verse 3   
HARRY: You don't know who to listen to!  
But he's only tellin you things you talk about with your friends inside the common room!  
DUMBLEDORE:The only difference is I've got the guts to say it,  
In front of you all  
And I'm not gonna be false and sugarcoat it at all  
I'll just get up here and yell it,  
And whether Fudge wants me to tell it,  
Voldemort's back, got fifty percent of his people out there  
Then you'll wonder why the Dark Mark's over your house when you get back there  
HARRY:It's funny, cuz at the rate I'm goin, I won't see thirty  
Every two weeks I end up in the hospital wing hurting  
All because of these stupid plans we keep blurting, I'm hurting,  
Cuz over half of them ain't working  
MOODY:Round every single corner there's a Death Eater lurking  
He could be right around here, poisoning your butterbeer  
Or in Diagon, rioting, screaming, "Yer outta luck!!"  
With the wands out and the Dark Mark up  
DUMBLEDORE:But will the real Potter please stand up?  
HARRY:Glasses are taped and my hair sticks up  
But I"m proud to be outta my mind and outta control  
And one more time, loud as you can, loud as it goes!  
  
*CHORUS*  
  
HARRY:Heh heh...... I guess there's some magic in all of us  
Screw it...... Let's all stand up.   



End file.
